There isn’t anything I want do more than crawl over the bar and grab the bitch by the throat. Yeah, it may be a minor offence on her part but nobody likes to be told how to do their job and this crowd that our new so called manager has brought in seems intent on telling me how to make their drinks.
Ah yes! The No Ice Bitches have multiplied and they are in my bar.
“Two rum and cokes easy ice, easy soda.”
So what exactly do you want in your glass? She directs the amount of ice and tells me she wants half liquor and half soda, which is exactly what it would be if she let me make her drink right! Except of course the glass would be full and the drink wouldn’t taste like shit. I’m getting really sick of explaining to people that they don’t get extra liquor by ordering less ice. You get an ounce and a half. That’s it people! What you will get more of is soda and your drink will be thick and warm and gross.
There is a reason drinks taste better at bars than when you make them at home. We know what we’re doing. But too many of these new patrons are under the mistaken impression that the worse their drink tastes, the more alcohol it must have in it.
Not five minutes earlier, “This just tastes like OJ.” She plops a half drank screwdriver on the bar.
I bite my tongue. I don’t make weak drinks. But I’m hardly going to over pour, hook everybody up on happy hour. And seriously who bitches about a $2 drink? To my surprise, a lot of people! Apparently the cheaper the drink the more alcohol people seem to think they should get. I offer to remake it for her anyway.
“Not so much ice!”
I think it might be time to find a new job. No really this time. The cheaper the drinks the less people tip. I explain that she is going to get even more orange juice than last time.
I stare at her for a moment. If the first one tasted like juice…
Whatever. One one hundred… two one hundred… three. An ounce and a half almost every time (it would be every time but Charlie likes the cheap plastic pour spouts).
She tastes it. Nods. “Yeah that’s better.”
You’ve got to be kidding me.